Fly Away

I know why they hide and shy away.

I know it, because I've been that way.

I don't know why we're treated as such,

Birds with such large feathers usually flaunt their stuff.

Being caged in our own minds and judgements,

Freedom seeming like an illusion, and something we're denied.

Singing?  Everyone sings for something.

I sing of the day when I can say, "I love women!" and not be scared for my safety.

Flying away to peace seems like an easy event, but

Flying away from yourself never possible.

If I Were in Charge of the World

If I were in charge of the world,
I'd cancel winter,
College prices,
World hunger and also
Abusive people.

If I were in charge of the world,
There'd be more stars,
More animals and
Less pollution.

 If I were in charge of the world,
You wouldn't have racism.
You wouldn't have sexism.
You wouldn't have war.
Or "Pray the gay away."
You wouldn't even have homophobes.

 If I were in charge of the world,
A woman can do as she pleases
And a tomato would be a vegetable.
All people would be equal.
And a person who sometimes forgets to pick up her paycheck,
And sometimes forgets to clean my room,
Would still be allowed to be
In charge of the world.

Maya Angelou

1.      

Maya Angelou’s first autobiography title is I know Why the Caged Bird Sings.  Angelous reasons why the caged bird sings is because it sings for freedom.  I believe this mirrors her own life, her being the bird, and even though people think that the bird is happy in it’s cage because it sings, it sings because it wants to be free.  I believe that when she wrote her poem, I know Why the Caged Bird Sings, she means the bird to represent oppressed people.  People of color, women, gays, people of different religions are all oppressed in America.  I fully understand what she was trying to convey in I know Why the Caged Bird Sings, having experienced some discrimination myself.

3.   

    I believe talking about bad dreams does not give the dreams too much power.  I believe the more you talk about it, the more clearly you can understand them.  Talking about my fears or bad dreams make them seem not as bad, and it helps me overcome my fears.

4.  

     I believe that dreams do tell the truth about us; things that we desire, things that we fear, things that we think about.  For me, my dreams reveal things that I desire, but know that would never come true, like flying with bird wings or fighting dragons.  I believe these sort of dreams can help feed one’s imagination, or come to new terms with one’s self.

6.    

   I have been studying Japanese ever since I have entered high school, and can hold some simple conversations in this language.  As far as being comfortable, I am not that much… Since my Japanese is very broken, but I think I’m just embarrassed.  I want to be fluent in this language so I can better communicate with my friends, and to be able to talk with important figures in Isesaki, Japan.  I want to teach English in Springfield’s Sister City because I want to help strengthen the Isesaki-Springfield relationship.

Dream Thread

2/6/2015 Journal Entry #42: I dream about boy butts.  But that’s not something a ‘normal’ high school guy would dream of, right?  And it’s not like I can go to anyone about it.  My parents might disown me for being gay, and my friends would certainly abandon me.  But I’m not gay, at least, I don’t think I am.  I’ve never dated or kissed a man, but then again, I’ve never dated or kissed a woman either.  But surely, other guys like me have homoerotic dreams about luscious men’s butts too, right?  It’s a hormone thing, something that can’t be controlled because teenage bodies are weird, with all that puberty happening.  Right? Right.  But I suppose the best thing to do at this moment is to investigate.

  2/21/2015 Journal Entry #43:  Well, I did the thing.  I went and asked some of the guys.  First off:  I wouldn’t recommend doing this.  I asked and was immediately was called out for being gay and now no one will talk to me.  I feel pretty closed off, lonely, but rumors spread like wildfire in high school, and now my parents know.  These were the last people who I wanted to even remotely know about my maybe-homosexual-tendencies.  We had a big talk after they found out, Mom crying, saying it was her fault and she raised me wrong, Dad telling me to not be a fag and to, quite literally, straighten out.  It was a mess.  I ran away for a couple days after that, I took some emergency money and stayed at a motel.  My parents called the cops, and I was quickly returned home.  I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do, no one will help me.  Back home in my house in St. Louis; everything has a gritty, sandy look to it.

Best Dream

The best dream I’ve ever had was when I was trapped in a concrete parking lot, there were no cars, and no people.  It was just me.  There was black chalk laying around near a wall, and I used it to draw on the wall; I drew the ocean.  But when I looked up, the ceiling looked like I was looking up from the bottom of the Arctic Ocean.  I could see icebergs and I could feel the cold.  I don’t remember what happened next, but I remember a man who looked a lot like Corbin Bleu from High School Musical who was a mage who could control fire.  He said he had to protect me from something.  What he had to protect me from, I never did found out.  There was another man there who was also a mage.  He was Asian with long black hair tied up into a ponytail at the base of his neck, with wise, dark eyes.  He wore a jade green robe with a gold sash, and had a gold dragon clip on his ear.  I don’t remember anything after seeing this man, but I feel like I know him from somewhere, or I will know him in the future.  I have many premonitions while I sleep, and normally I forget about these strange dreams, but sometime in the future, I experience what I had dreamed.