Dream Thread

2/6/2015 Journal Entry #42: I dream about boy butts.  But that’s not something a ‘normal’ high school guy would dream of, right?  And it’s not like I can go to anyone about it.  My parents might disown me for being gay, and my friends would certainly abandon me.  But I’m not gay, at least, I don’t think I am.  I’ve never dated or kissed a man, but then again, I’ve never dated or kissed a woman either.  But surely, other guys like me have homoerotic dreams about luscious men’s butts too, right?  It’s a hormone thing, something that can’t be controlled because teenage bodies are weird, with all that puberty happening.  Right? Right.  But I suppose the best thing to do at this moment is to investigate.

  2/21/2015 Journal Entry #43:  Well, I did the thing.  I went and asked some of the guys.  First off:  I wouldn’t recommend doing this.  I asked and was immediately was called out for being gay and now no one will talk to me.  I feel pretty closed off, lonely, but rumors spread like wildfire in high school, and now my parents know.  These were the last people who I wanted to even remotely know about my maybe-homosexual-tendencies.  We had a big talk after they found out, Mom crying, saying it was her fault and she raised me wrong, Dad telling me to not be a fag and to, quite literally, straighten out.  It was a mess.  I ran away for a couple days after that, I took some emergency money and stayed at a motel.  My parents called the cops, and I was quickly returned home.  I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do, no one will help me.  Back home in my house in St. Louis; everything has a gritty, sandy look to it.